Cold Coffee

She sat there, watching aimlessly as people around her walk faster than the normal. Life in the city is faster compared to that that you can find on the countryside, and what’s more appealing is the fact that people won’t mind you when you live here. People has their own life to catch up that they don’t have the time to dwell on other people’s life. And it suits her. It’s the best cure to what she’s afraid of. She doesn’t like being watched or being talked about, she has this paranoia over things about her.

She stared at her cold coffee. She’s been sitting outside the coffee shop for almost an hour, and her coffee covered all the stages from hot to warm to cold to super cold. She didn’t know what came into her mind why she went inside that coffee shop. It’s been a year since the last time that she visited here. And the coffee triggered memories, memories she tried to hide–no, memories she persuaded herself never to remember again.

People drink coffee occassionaly or frequently on different reasons. Some people needs the caffeine that it offers, others need the smell or whatever happiness they can get from it. And for her, it’s a hobby. She loves coffee, next to books. She can consume three to four cups of coffee in one day. It gives her happiness that she didn’t find in her life.

Growing up alone because everyone thinks she’s too smart to be someone’s friend. Or, never been dated because men thinks she’s like a star they can’t conquer– but deep inside her is a soft person waiting for the right one. She want to know what it would feel like being loved. That feeling that makes the protagonist or antagonist lose his or her mind. She wonders what makes people do crazy things when they are in love. She want to know.

It was a rainy afternoon and she regretted getting out of her bed that morning. This is the best weather that she had waited for, she wanna lay in her bed with a coffee on the side table and read books or watch the news whole day. She sighed at the traffic jam building in front of her. It’s impossible for her to go home. She decided to enter the coffee shop and found a table for two that was empty. Not so bad then. She sat there and stared at the wall. It was painted in brown with some sort of small paintings hanged.

“Can I share?” a smiling face appeared in front of her.

“Y-yes” she stuttered.It was quite weird, that feeling. She wasn’t even sure where did that man came from.

She didn’t know how it happened. How he appeared suddenly in front of her, that was the beginning of something new. Something that she thought was impossible. She was ready not to find that feeling that they called love.

It started swiftly, faster than she can imagine. They had something special, and it made her happy. It was something unexplainable– the books were not that consice or they didn’t give justice to what she feel. It was something that can make any person mad, insanely happy and all the extreme feelings that anyone can get when they’re inlove. It was something new and it’s making her mad.

Her lifestyle changed. Everything about her changed , and the major changes happened when he moved in. He was some kind of perfectionist, which makes her fall for her even more. She was challenged to make him happy. Perfectionist are difficult to please, and she loves difficulty. He helped her to stop drinking coffee, he said it was not good for her. She eventually did stop and made a lot of improvements in her life.

They had a lot of plans. Good plans in the near future. They would purchase a real house, get married and have children. Until now, she still wonders what happened in between. Suddenly, everything went from right to wrong to worse and the next thing she knows he already slammed the door. It was terrifying, the coldness and the pain. The book failed to tell her that love can also kill the happiness that it had given you and then consume the life out of you. She was ready to die at that moment to escape the pain. But, she couldn’t.

She blinked. Tears were clouding up her eyes. The baby. It was the most painful part. It was the only thing that made her sane, but he didn’t made it. That baby. The baby that she planned to be the center of her universe, that baby that will make her whole again. She planned not to tell him about it but fate has it’s own way of making everything wrong. It was also rainy when that baby was taken from her forever, she slipped on the road while walking to the grocery. She bleeded and lost consiousness and woke up at the hospital.

He was there, sitting and crying. It was enough to make her realize that they lost him or her. His tears and the frustration in his voice when he asked her why she didn’t told her about it. It was enough, enough to make her wanna die even more. Everyone was taken away from her. Everything that was so special to her. It was frustrating. It was life-shattering.

Losing the baby had some good things on it too, they started communicating. They started to forgive each other,but, it wasn’t enough to make them love each other. No, she was sure, they’ll just hurt each other. Not now, they can’t love each other the way they did in the past. It was over.

She sipped her cold coffee. It tasted good. So good– it was making her dizzy. She missed it. She wanna go back to her old self– and maybe this is the only way, she’ll start picking the pieces little by little. And maybe, just maybe she’ll be able to start a new. Someday, somehow she can start the day with a cup of coffee–again.



September 2019
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