Sometimes and as Always

While browsing through my stories, posts and even status updates on different social networking sites I noticed that I have been frequently using the word “sometimes.”  In any sense, this word is one of the words which implies that the user is in doubt. There is no time frame as to when an event happens, or there is a doubt that it will happen again. Or it may imply that the user of the word had an experience of those things once, twice or thrice and it had a great impact on their life that if it will happen again they might react in the same manner again. If it will happen again.

Sometimes is most likely equivalent to doubt. And just as anyone would say: the way you act or the way you eat or even the way you write reflects who you really are. Yes. I can really agree. I’m one of the world’s number one doubter. I doubt even my capabilities. I doubt promises. I doubt tomorrows. I even doubt if I’ll ever wake up in the morning, or if my plane will make it to the airport.

Doubting is not a problem as long as you strive to push it away. To fight your inner paranoia– to really believe that the word trust do exist. Trust yourself. Trust the people around you. Trust the sun to shine tomorrow. Trust your eyes to open in the morning. Trust that pilot is capable of what he is doing– that he is trusting himself and his capabilities.

It’s difficult when you still can’t get over this childish issue. As long as you’re trying and it’s not yet eating you alive, you’ll make it.  Trust me. :’) Sometimes and as always.

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Cold Coffee

She sat there, watching aimlessly as people around her walk faster than the normal. Life in the city is faster compared to that that you can find on the countryside, and what’s more appealing is the fact that people won’t mind you when you live here. People has their own life to catch up that they don’t have the time to dwell on other people’s life. And it suits her. It’s the best cure to what she’s afraid of. She doesn’t like being watched or being talked about, she has this paranoia over things about her.

She stared at her cold coffee. She’s been sitting outside the coffee shop for almost an hour, and her coffee covered all the stages from hot to warm to cold to super cold. She didn’t know what came into her mind why she went inside that coffee shop. It’s been a year since the last time that she visited here. And the coffee triggered memories, memories she tried to hide–no, memories she persuaded herself never to remember again.

People drink coffee occassionaly or frequently on different reasons. Some people needs the caffeine that it offers, others need the smell or whatever happiness they can get from it. And for her, it’s a hobby. She loves coffee, next to books. She can consume three to four cups of coffee in one day. It gives her happiness that she didn’t find in her life.

Growing up alone because everyone thinks she’s too smart to be someone’s friend. Or, never been dated because men thinks she’s like a star they can’t conquer– but deep inside her is a soft person waiting for the right one. She want to know what it would feel like being loved. That feeling that makes the protagonist or antagonist lose his or her mind. She wonders what makes people do crazy things when they are in love. She want to know.

It was a rainy afternoon and she regretted getting out of her bed that morning. This is the best weather that she had waited for, she wanna lay in her bed with a coffee on the side table and read books or watch the news whole day. She sighed at the traffic jam building in front of her. It’s impossible for her to go home. She decided to enter the coffee shop and found a table for two that was empty. Not so bad then. She sat there and stared at the wall. It was painted in brown with some sort of small paintings hanged.

“Can I share?” a smiling face appeared in front of her.

“Y-yes” she stuttered.It was quite weird, that feeling. She wasn’t even sure where did that man came from.

She didn’t know how it happened. How he appeared suddenly in front of her, that was the beginning of something new. Something that she thought was impossible. She was ready not to find that feeling that they called love.

It started swiftly, faster than she can imagine. They had something special, and it made her happy. It was something unexplainable– the books were not that consice or they didn’t give justice to what she feel. It was something that can make any person mad, insanely happy and all the extreme feelings that anyone can get when they’re inlove. It was something new and it’s making her mad.

Her lifestyle changed. Everything about her changed , and the major changes happened when he moved in. He was some kind of perfectionist, which makes her fall for her even more. She was challenged to make him happy. Perfectionist are difficult to please, and she loves difficulty. He helped her to stop drinking coffee, he said it was not good for her. She eventually did stop and made a lot of improvements in her life.

They had a lot of plans. Good plans in the near future. They would purchase a real house, get married and have children. Until now, she still wonders what happened in between. Suddenly, everything went from right to wrong to worse and the next thing she knows he already slammed the door. It was terrifying, the coldness and the pain. The book failed to tell her that love can also kill the happiness that it had given you and then consume the life out of you. She was ready to die at that moment to escape the pain. But, she couldn’t.

She blinked. Tears were clouding up her eyes. The baby. It was the most painful part. It was the only thing that made her sane, but he didn’t made it. That baby. The baby that she planned to be the center of her universe, that baby that will make her whole again. She planned not to tell him about it but fate has it’s own way of making everything wrong. It was also rainy when that baby was taken from her forever, she slipped on the road while walking to the grocery. She bleeded and lost consiousness and woke up at the hospital.

He was there, sitting and crying. It was enough to make her realize that they lost him or her. His tears and the frustration in his voice when he asked her why she didn’t told her about it. It was enough, enough to make her wanna die even more. Everyone was taken away from her. Everything that was so special to her. It was frustrating. It was life-shattering.

Losing the baby had some good things on it too, they started communicating. They started to forgive each other,but, it wasn’t enough to make them love each other. No, she was sure, they’ll just hurt each other. Not now, they can’t love each other the way they did in the past. It was over.

She sipped her cold coffee. It tasted good. So good– it was making her dizzy. She missed it. She wanna go back to her old self– and maybe this is the only way, she’ll start picking the pieces little by little. And maybe, just maybe she’ll be able to start a new. Someday, somehow she can start the day with a cup of coffee–again.

Different Perspectives

I don’t know what kind of perspective should I have to be able to go on with my life. I don’t know which is harder: holding on or letting go?

A question popped out of my head a few days ago, I was over thinking and over analyzing my situation, when the question hit me. Who is stronger: the one that moved on or the one that still holds on? On the side of the one who let go and moved on– it takes a lot of courage to let go something that you really love. And the pain and loneliness that a person feels is somewhat unbearable, letting go of someone is not as easy as you see it in the movies. And the worst thing is, when you’re experiencing it, it feels like all the pain you’ve been running from are there–ready to make you regret loving someone. And they’ll beat you up until you acknowledge their existence in to your life. And as what the quote I’ve heard from a movie says, “You don’t get over the pain; rather, you just learn to live with it.” Maybe, this is all about it, when you finally let go, it means that you’re acknowledging the pain and at the same time, it’s high time to fix your life.

But, not all people has that perspective.  On the other side of the coin, there’s someone there, holding on to the promised love that the two of you made. He or she is not the weaker partner: it takes a lot of courage and patience and all the virtues you know to hold on to someone who turned his or her back on you. No. It’s not a weak person’s capability. When you hold on to someone and they are not there anymore, maybe it means that you still know or you still believe that they would remember their promises to you and to the relationship that you have. Holding on and never letting go is not something that a weak person can’t also do.

It’s hard to pick the side which I want to be. I don’t know. Maybe it’s not that easy when you know you’re holding on to something that you know is worth the wait and the pain. Love is not something that anyone can give you, sometimes, it comes with a lot of pains and hardships, but for sure, if it’s worth it, you’ll never get tired. 🙂

Future

Last night, out of the blue he reminded me that “in 1 month and 8 days, we’re gonna be 1 year. ”

Ahw. :”> YES, it will be 1 year of joy ride in this relationship. And I’m excited. I’m always excited to celebrate each month that we had. We’re not perfect and this relationship is not also, but this one is strong. We had our own share of bumps and curves, of highs and downs. And every little detail that you get from any relationship. This one is unique, it’s long distance. But, we made sure that we will be there for each other no matter what.

I think, until now, a lot of people wouldn’t believe that this love is true. That this love is strong enough, maybe for them. But not for us. This is real, we don’t need everyone’s approval to continue this relationship. And I think everyone of us has an idealistic self within us. And I guess, people should stop destroying those parts of other people just because they don’t believe what that person believes in. I think people should start respecting what other people wanted to believe in. And I think this world, would be a better place.

Oh, well, I’m just happy and please be happy for me. 🙂 I love him. ^__^

Planning and Doing Things Right

I have this problem when it comes to planning, sometimes I really can’t follow what my plans are. Let’s face it, I sometimes have an addiction to being hooked on things that I am doing for leisure. I like social networking sites. I go to Facebook, Plurk, Twitter and Tumblr and spend a lot of time there. When I say a lot, it really means a lot. Just to give you that feeling that I’m serious on what I am saying. And err, I’m awake almost the whole day; I sleep for only 4 hours or a mere 6 hours and on some occasions for only 2 hours. And yes, it’s not really that hard for me to cope with this situation. My body just needs a few hours of sleep for me to be in a hyper-mode the next day. I don’t really know.

Back to planning, I need some things to clear up my mind. Hmm, you really can’t get out of the things that you get hooked with. And maybe they were right, I really have an addiction. Addiction on my leisure activities. And yes, sadly it’s not physical anymore, I sit in front of the computer the whole day and surf the net or program. Yeah, I program but I think spending too much time in the internet is quite bad. I have to balance everything.

I miss sleeping late because I can’t get my hands off on a book. I miss this part of me, the reader, the one who imagines about the scenes on the book and never relying on the movies. I miss playing soccer, though I still have some issues over it, there is still a part of me who wants to kick the ball and sweat and run like crazy and catches my breath. The adrenaline rush you get from a good game. I have to say, this one is the thing that I thought would stay with me, not just the game but the people. I’m not saying that they left me but sometimes the changes in your life makes you realize some things. The team has changed over time and I hope it is for the best, if I wasn’t able to be a good part of the team before, then so be it. I guess, I have the memories now, I really can’t say when will I be able to get on the field and laugh like the way it used to be.

So, before I get too dramatic here. I realized that I should really make my plans work. I’m seriously hating my attitude over these things. This is somewhat depressing. I know I’m good at cramming, but cramming doesn’t get you anywhere. It doesn’t give you something that is good, but maybe the fulfillment and the pride is there when you pass something because you were a good crammer. But no, cramming is not a good practice.

I hope I don’t get to eat what I am saying here. I need to plan and make it work and be productive. 🙂

Kazekage Vs. Sasuke

The new episode of the famous Naruto series is here. What I really love in this chapter is that, Gaara of the Sand Village—the Kazekage had interfere between the battle of the Raikage and Sasuke. He told Sasuke that they had the same eyes, the eyes that seeks revenge. The eyes, so full of fury and hatred. He offered Sasuke a second chance, a chance to become the Sasuke that they knew. But his siblings told him that Sasuke has no way of having a second chance because he is a criminal.

But then, Sasuke didn’t even try to ask for forgiveness. Because he still wants revenge. And then, they had seen his darkness. The coldness in his chakra. And they had feel his hatred.

But now, Sasuke has to face 5 or 6 opponents. Each with great number of chakras and technique.

Sasuke let them see the third power of the Mangekyu, the Susanoo. They still don’t know the capability of it. But it doesn’t look good.

I’m so excited for the next chapter.

Spider Man 4 release Date

A lot of people do love Spider Man. So fans, mark your calendar the release date of the Spider Man 4 —- IMax and movie theater version, will be on May 12, 2011.

Everyone will be excited about this.

I hope everyone will love this. And I know that the Administrator of Spider Man 4 will also love this. I hope , May2011 will be here tomorrow. Just kidding.

Taylor and Kanye

The most talked about event that happened at the MTV Video Music Award, is when Rapper Kanye West told Winner Taylor Swift that Beyonce deserves that award. And of course, all people pity Swift for the fact that it was one of her moments, one that she must treasure only to be given a treatment like that. Swift is only 19. That makes everything so wrong.

Everyone were angry at Kanye. But he did try to fix what damage he had done, he apologize to Taylor and her family. Which is good. At least, he had known that he made a mistake. I hope everyone did learn a lesson in this incident.

chieckerzon’s birthday

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Happy birthday Chieckerzon Molina….

Thanks sa mga happy moments.

I really do appreciate your existence in my life.

Thank you. I will never forget you. Our friendship.

Hope  God will bless you, everyday of your life.

The compsci ’06 really do love you….

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President Aquino dies at 76

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The first Filipina President had taken her final breath this morning at 3:18 a.m.

I just want to pay my tribute to this woman. Not because she had died but because i want to thank her for the Democracy that the Philippines have when she overthrow Pres. Marcos’ dictatorship. Giving everybody a chance to be a freeman.

though I know many Filipino are not satisfied with her reign as president. Still, her time is one of the most beautiful presidency in all time.

Far better than the present that we have.

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