Sometimes and as Always

While browsing through my stories, posts and even status updates on different social networking sites I noticed that I have been frequently using the word “sometimes.”  In any sense, this word is one of the words which implies that the user is in doubt. There is no time frame as to when an event happens, or there is a doubt that it will happen again. Or it may imply that the user of the word had an experience of those things once, twice or thrice and it had a great impact on their life that if it will happen again they might react in the same manner again. If it will happen again.

Sometimes is most likely equivalent to doubt. And just as anyone would say: the way you act or the way you eat or even the way you write reflects who you really are. Yes. I can really agree. I’m one of the world’s number one doubter. I doubt even my capabilities. I doubt promises. I doubt tomorrows. I even doubt if I’ll ever wake up in the morning, or if my plane will make it to the airport.

Doubting is not a problem as long as you strive to push it away. To fight your inner paranoia– to really believe that the word trust do exist. Trust yourself. Trust the people around you. Trust the sun to shine tomorrow. Trust your eyes to open in the morning. Trust that pilot is capable of what he is doing– that he is trusting himself and his capabilities.

It’s difficult when you still can’t get over this childish issue. As long as you’re trying and it’s not yet eating you alive, you’ll make it.  Trust me. :’) Sometimes and as always.

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Different Perspectives

I don’t know what kind of perspective should I have to be able to go on with my life. I don’t know which is harder: holding on or letting go?

A question popped out of my head a few days ago, I was over thinking and over analyzing my situation, when the question hit me. Who is stronger: the one that moved on or the one that still holds on? On the side of the one who let go and moved on– it takes a lot of courage to let go something that you really love. And the pain and loneliness that a person feels is somewhat unbearable, letting go of someone is not as easy as you see it in the movies. And the worst thing is, when you’re experiencing it, it feels like all the pain you’ve been running from are there–ready to make you regret loving someone. And they’ll beat you up until you acknowledge their existence in to your life. And as what the quote I’ve heard from a movie says, “You don’t get over the pain; rather, you just learn to live with it.” Maybe, this is all about it, when you finally let go, it means that you’re acknowledging the pain and at the same time, it’s high time to fix your life.

But, not all people has that perspective.  On the other side of the coin, there’s someone there, holding on to the promised love that the two of you made. He or she is not the weaker partner: it takes a lot of courage and patience and all the virtues you know to hold on to someone who turned his or her back on you. No. It’s not a weak person’s capability. When you hold on to someone and they are not there anymore, maybe it means that you still know or you still believe that they would remember their promises to you and to the relationship that you have. Holding on and never letting go is not something that a weak person can’t also do.

It’s hard to pick the side which I want to be. I don’t know. Maybe it’s not that easy when you know you’re holding on to something that you know is worth the wait and the pain. Love is not something that anyone can give you, sometimes, it comes with a lot of pains and hardships, but for sure, if it’s worth it, you’ll never get tired. 🙂

Things to do in 2012

I had stopped making New Year’s Resolution for a long time now. They don’t take effect in my life, it’s either I forget about them or they don’t really matter to me. And so, I had a new activity to celebrate the New Year; I decided to make a list of the things that  I should do before 2012 ends. 🙂 A good 1 year is enough for these activities.

And so here are some of them.. I still have some more days to add some more on this list.

1. Meet my boyfriend.

2. Play soccer.

3. Wear 5-inch stiletto.

4. Buy new phone.

5. New dress.

6. New shoes.

7. Save money in my bank account. ($_$)

8. Travel to new places.

9. Buy soccer ball.

10.  Get Passport.

Still thinking… I’ll update this tomorrow or sooner before the year ends. 😉

First month in Cebu

I may not be superwoman or will never be any superhero that you’ve heard about. I’m just the girl who wants to achieve something while building relationships with people around me. From my family, friends up to my love life. Yep, just like everyone else, I want to do everything in the right way or in any way as long as I would achieve what I perceive I could.

Since November, I’m staying in Cebu for a training which includes Nihonggo, PhilNits Review and Technical courses. Of course, these are helpful tools that I can use to be globally competitive and at the same time to achieve something, ACTION training is tough. I’ve heard of it’s toughness from people who accomplished a lot because they made it through out of ACTION.

It’s tough, the exams, the vocabularies and all the programming that we are doing. I tried my best to balance everything; but it seems I’m going to lose somethings along the way. But, no the fight is still on, it will never be too late until you quit.

And so, when I go back to Cebu to continue the training, I’ll make sure I can balance everything. 😉

Planning and Doing Things Right

I have this problem when it comes to planning, sometimes I really can’t follow what my plans are. Let’s face it, I sometimes have an addiction to being hooked on things that I am doing for leisure. I like social networking sites. I go to Facebook, Plurk, Twitter and Tumblr and spend a lot of time there. When I say a lot, it really means a lot. Just to give you that feeling that I’m serious on what I am saying. And err, I’m awake almost the whole day; I sleep for only 4 hours or a mere 6 hours and on some occasions for only 2 hours. And yes, it’s not really that hard for me to cope with this situation. My body just needs a few hours of sleep for me to be in a hyper-mode the next day. I don’t really know.

Back to planning, I need some things to clear up my mind. Hmm, you really can’t get out of the things that you get hooked with. And maybe they were right, I really have an addiction. Addiction on my leisure activities. And yes, sadly it’s not physical anymore, I sit in front of the computer the whole day and surf the net or program. Yeah, I program but I think spending too much time in the internet is quite bad. I have to balance everything.

I miss sleeping late because I can’t get my hands off on a book. I miss this part of me, the reader, the one who imagines about the scenes on the book and never relying on the movies. I miss playing soccer, though I still have some issues over it, there is still a part of me who wants to kick the ball and sweat and run like crazy and catches my breath. The adrenaline rush you get from a good game. I have to say, this one is the thing that I thought would stay with me, not just the game but the people. I’m not saying that they left me but sometimes the changes in your life makes you realize some things. The team has changed over time and I hope it is for the best, if I wasn’t able to be a good part of the team before, then so be it. I guess, I have the memories now, I really can’t say when will I be able to get on the field and laugh like the way it used to be.

So, before I get too dramatic here. I realized that I should really make my plans work. I’m seriously hating my attitude over these things. This is somewhat depressing. I know I’m good at cramming, but cramming doesn’t get you anywhere. It doesn’t give you something that is good, but maybe the fulfillment and the pride is there when you pass something because you were a good crammer. But no, cramming is not a good practice.

I hope I don’t get to eat what I am saying here. I need to plan and make it work and be productive. 🙂

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