I always sleep in the living room. I don’t have my own room at home because our house is just a mere 2-bedroom type of house that you can usually see in any subdivision. And so I’m in the living room. This morning, the television is on. And a love story was playing.

“Nobody get used to pain, you just learn to live with it.”

I was struck when I heard that line from the movie. Yes, we all have our own pain in any of us. We tend to get used to them. We’re not punishing ourselves, we’re just trying to be stronger. And sometimes, the pain is overwhelming that they travel up to our tear glands and make us shed some tears to ease the pain temporarily.

And as for me, anybody can make me cry. I can easily let those tears flow and I’m not faking the pain I feel inside. My family usually tease me that I’m too sensitive. I always cry when I’m in an argument, when I receive rejection or even when I don’t get what I want. And there are still a lot of things that can make me cry.

And you know what’s sad, it is when you cry in the silence of the night–when nobody can see your pains, when you wanted someone to comfort you, but there’s no one there. When you want to shout to ease the pain. When you want to hear that voice, or just to see someone to reassure you that everything’s gonna be okay in the morning. And that no matter how many times you’ll fail, there’s gonna be a torch of hope somewhere for you.

I don’t want to hurt anyone for making this one. I just need a place to put this one. I know I’ve been failing too much. I’ve disappointed a lot of important persons in my life, I’ve been hurting ¬†other people too. And I hurt them too much, I’m sorry. I never wanted to inflict those pains.

I miss you–way too much these words can hold. And I love you more than anything else in this world.



September 2011
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